Appendix: Russian Quotations

Paperno, Irina

doi:10.7591/cornell/9780801453342.005.0001

"Who, What Am I?": Tolstoy Struggles to Narrate the Self

Irina Paperno

https://doi.org/10.7591/cornell/9780801453342.001.0001

Published online:

18 August 2016

Published in print:

20 November 2014

Online ISBN:

9780801454967

Print ISBN:

9780801453342

- Copyright Page
  - Notes
  - Notes
- Acknowledgments
  - Notes
  - Notes
Introduction
- Notes
- Notes
One “So That I Could Easily Read Myself”: Tolstoy’s Early Diaries
- Notes
- Notes
Interlude: Between Personal Documents and Fiction
- Notes
- Notes
Two “To Tell One’s Faith Is Impossible. … How to Tell That Which I Live By. I’ll Tell You, All the Same. …” Tolstoy in His Correspondence
- Notes
- Notes
Three Tolstoy’s Confession: What Am I?
- Notes
- Notes
Four “To Write My Life”: Tolstoy Tries, and Fails, to Produce a Memoir or Autobiography
- Notes
- Notes
Five “What Should We Do Then?”: Tolstoy on Self and Other
- Notes
- Notes
Six “I Felt a Completely New Liberation from Personality”: Tolstoy’s Late Diaries
- Notes
- Notes
- - Introduction Introduction
    - “God only knows how many diverse, captivating impressions …” “God only knows how many diverse, captivating impressions …”
    - “there is not enough ink in the world …” “there is not enough ink in the world …”
    - “a history of my life …” “a history of my life …”
    - “to imagine myself back then … when I will again enter that state of death …” “to imagine myself back then … when I will again enter that state of death …”
    - “[i]t’s precisely what is not ‘I’ that is immortal” “[i]t’s precisely what is not ‘I’ that is immortal”
  - Chapter 1 Chapter 1
    - “But how can one write this?” “But how can one write this?”
    - “Rules for Developing Will” “Rules for Developing Will”
    - 24. Arose somewhat late and read … 24. Arose somewhat late and read …
    - “not because yesterday was extraordinary in any way …” “not because yesterday was extraordinary in any way …”
    - “(It has long been my rule …” “(It has long been my rule …”
    - “involuntarily I passed from today to 1825.” “involuntarily I passed from today to 1825.”
    - “I once again discarded what I had begun …” “I once again discarded what I had begun …”
    - I looked at my watch and got up … I looked at my watch and got up …
    - “Comme il est aimable, ce jeune homme.” “Comme il est aimable, ce jeune homme.”
    - “Morpheus, enfold me in your embrace.” “Morpheus, enfold me in your embrace.”
    - “You have a long dream …” “You have a long dream …”
    - “continuity and to the form of time …” “continuity and to the form of time …”
    - “the necessity to lie …” “the necessity to lie …”
    - “infinitely diverse and vague impressions.” “infinitely diverse and vague impressions.”
    - “the ability of man …” “the ability of man …”
    - 7 July [1854] … 7 July [1854] …
    - “[I]t penetrates gradually …” “[I]t penetrates gradually …”
    - “founding a new religion …” “founding a new religion …”
  - Interlude Interlude
    - “Read Hume, wrote Ch[ildhood], read Rousseau.” “Read Hume, wrote Ch[ildhood], read Rousseau.”
    - “Who cares about the history of my childhood?” “Who cares about the history of my childhood?”
    - “the autobiographical form and the obligatory link between preceding and succeeding parts.” “the autobiographical form and the obligatory link between preceding and succeeding parts.”
    - “I can write about him because he is distant from me.” “I can write about him because he is distant from me.”
    - “A person’s convictions—…” “A person’s convictions—…”
    - “that there is immortality …” “that there is immortality …”
    - “This occurred to me yesterday …” “This occurred to me yesterday …”
    - “Vasily Petrovich! Vasily Petrovich!” “Vasily Petrovich! Vasily Petrovich!”
    - “Literature, or belles-lettres …” “Literature, or belles-lettres …”
    - “This is what it’s all about.” “This is what it’s all about.”
    - “Art is a lie …” “Art is a lie …”
    - “It seemed to me that I had corrupted …” “It seemed to me that I had corrupted …”
    - “Thank God, this summer I feel stupid as a horse …” “Thank God, this summer I feel stupid as a horse …”
    - “I’m at work at the moment on that dreary, vulgar A[nna] Karen[ina] …” “I’m at work at the moment on that dreary, vulgar A[nna] Karen[ina] …”
    - “The rank of writer is loathsome; it’s depraving.” “The rank of writer is loathsome; it’s depraving.”
  - Chapter 2 Chapter 2
    - “Your spiritual condition has been revealed to me …” “Your spiritual condition has been revealed to me …”
    - “elucidate and define one’s religious worldview.” “elucidate and define one’s religious worldview.”
    - “help those who are in the same miserable lonely condition.” “help those who are in the same miserable lonely condition.”
    - “I rejoice at your plan and challenge you to a correspondence.” “I rejoice at your plan and challenge you to a correspondence.”
    - “My God, if only somebody would finish A. Karenina for me!” “My God, if only somebody would finish A. Karenina for me!”
    - “translated into Christian language, how to save one’s soul.” “translated into Christian language, how to save one’s soul.”
    - “What is my life? What am I?” “What is my life? What am I?”
    - “I am one of the four sons of a retired Lieutenant Colonel …” “I am one of the four sons of a retired Lieutenant Colonel …”
    - “on two sheets of note-paper” “on two sheets of note-paper”
    - “I’m forty-seven years old …” “I’m forty-seven years old …”
    - “to tell how it was that I passed from a state of hopelessness and despair …” “to tell how it was that I passed from a state of hopelessness and despair …”
    - “with the knowledge we possess …” “with the knowledge we possess …”
    - “I exist …” “I exist …”
    - “I don’t know to what extent Descartes’ formulation is accurate …” “I don’t know to what extent Descartes’ formulation is accurate …”
    - “Your letter is an attempt to tread the same path as Descartes …” “Your letter is an attempt to tread the same path as Descartes …”
    - “Your attempts both tempt and frighten me …” “Your attempts both tempt and frighten me …”
    - “You are trying to contain your views …” “You are trying to contain your views …”
    - “Anna Karenina is arousing …” “Anna Karenina is arousing …”
    - “I am afraid that I cannot say what I want to …” “I am afraid that I cannot say what I want to …”
    - “the living God and the God of love.” “the living God and the God of love.”
    - “You see in the world the living God and feel his love …” “You see in the world the living God and feel his love …”
    - “paying tribute to Petersburg and to littérature” “paying tribute to Petersburg and to littérature”
    - “You are losing your usual calm …” “You are losing your usual calm …”
    - “[Y]our opinion of my novel holds true …” “[Y]our opinion of my novel holds true …”
    - But if I were to try to say in words everything that I intended to express … But if I were to try to say in words everything that I intended to express …
    - “completely unexpectedly” “completely unexpectedly”
    - “And if critics now already understand …” “And if critics now already understand …”
    - “Give up literature altogether …” “Give up literature altogether …”
    - “I wish that you, instead of reading Anna Kar[enina] …” “I wish that you, instead of reading Anna Kar[enina] …”
    - “to express, in the form of catechism …” “to express, in the form of catechism …”
    - “I believe in the one true holy church …” “I believe in the one true holy church …”
    - “What is necessary for the soul’s salvation?.” “What is necessary for the soul’s salvation?.”
    - “the word religion-faith is the word …” “the word religion-faith is the word …”
    - “I wanted to express the thought that had come to me directly in the form of a dialogue …” “I wanted to express the thought that had come to me directly in the form of a dialogue …”
    - “who definitely worked up a sweat and went to the loo.” “who definitely worked up a sweat and went to the loo.”
    - “I have a friend, Strakhov, a scholar …” “I have a friend, Strakhov, a scholar …”
    - “meaningless simply by virtue …” “meaningless simply by virtue …”
    - “not by words, the instrument of reason …” “not by words, the instrument of reason …”
    - “I see that my way is not your way.” “I see that my way is not your way.”
    - “Yes, such am I …” “Yes, such am I …”
    - “You’ve lived through two thirds of your life …” “You’ve lived through two thirds of your life …”
    - “You ask me: how have I lived up to this point? …” “You ask me: how have I lived up to this point? …”
    - “I hope that we shall be able to discuss the subject of our correspondence …” “I hope that we shall be able to discuss the subject of our correspondence …”
    - “I keep on at you about something that’s tricky …” “I keep on at you about something that’s tricky …”
    - Your merit lies in the fact that you have proved … Your merit lies in the fact that you have proved …
    - “I will write Instead of a Confession …” “I will write Instead of a Confession …”
    - But what value, what meaning does my life have? … But what value, what meaning does my life have? …
    - “I am prepared to write this for you …” “I am prepared to write this for you …”
    - ” not in himself” ” not in himself”
    - “Write your life story; I still want to do the same thing …” “Write your life story; I still want to do the same thing …”
    - “It’s very hard for me to judge my life …” “It’s very hard for me to judge my life …”
    - “You write as if to challenge me …” “You write as if to challenge me …”
    - “I was glad to look into your soul …” “I was glad to look into your soul …”
    - Something has as if suddenly dawned on me … Something has as if suddenly dawned on me …
    - “I usually say that you are writing a story of your relations to religion …” “I usually say that you are writing a story of your relations to religion …”
    - “I will speak as if at confession.” “I will speak as if at confession.”
    - “I need to address God …” “I need to address God …”
    - “Everything Tolstoy writes …” “Everything Tolstoy writes …”
    - “You told your faith only because you said what the church says.” “You told your faith only because you said what the church says.”
    - “To tell one’s faith is impossible …” “To tell one’s faith is impossible …”
  - Endnotes Endnotes
    - “Levin in Anna Karenina is not, after all, Tolstoy …” “Levin in Anna Karenina is not, after all, Tolstoy …”
  - Chapter 3 Chapter 3
    - I was baptized and brought up in the Orthodox Christian faith … I was baptized and brought up in the Orthodox Christian faith …
    - “I killed men in war and challenged men to duels …” “I killed men in war and challenged men to duels …”
    - “Lying, robbery, sexual sins of all kinds …” “Lying, robbery, sexual sins of all kinds …”
    - a “I still have the diaries from that time …” a “I still have the diaries from that time …”
    - “During that time I began to write …” “During that time I began to write …”
    - “Someday I will narrate the touching and instructive history of my life …” “Someday I will narrate the touching and instructive history of my life …”
    - “Life in general goes on developing …” “Life in general goes on developing …”
    - “This faith in the meaning of poetry …” “This faith in the meaning of poetry …”
    - “But strange to say, though I understood this fraud …” “But strange to say, though I understood this fraud …”
    - “All that exists is reasonable …” “All that exists is reasonable …”
    - “When I saw the head part from the body …” “When I saw the head part from the body …”
    - “He fell ill while still young …” “He fell ill while still young …”
    - “This work was [more] to my taste …” “This work was [more] to my taste …”
    - “What for? And what comes next?” “What for? And what comes next?”
    - “My life came to a stop.” “My life came to a stop.”
    - “This is no fable …” “This is no fable …”
    - “What am I? …” “What am I? …”
    - “wandering between the clearings of experimental knowledge …” “wandering between the clearings of experimental knowledge …”
    - “Vanity of vanities, says Solomon …” “Vanity of vanities, says Solomon …”
    - “thankfully, there are means for that …” “thankfully, there are means for that …”
    - “What am I?” “What am I?”
    - “the likes of me, Solomon, and Schopenhauer.” “the likes of me, Solomon, and Schopenhauer.”
    - “So I went on for about two years …” “So I went on for about two years …”
    - “I came to love good people …” “I came to love good people …”
    - “‘Well,’ I said to myself, ‘granted there is no God …’” “‘Well,’ I said to myself, ‘granted there is no God …’”
    - “Why do I look farther? a voice within me asked …” “Why do I look farther? a voice within me asked …”
    - “the same faith that had borne me along in my earliest days.” “the same faith that had borne me along in my earliest days.”
    - “and I again began to live.” “and I again began to live.”
    - “to avoid all arguments and contradictions …” “to avoid all arguments and contradictions …”
    - “fables illustrating thoughts.” “fables illustrating thoughts.”
    - “How often I envied the peasants their illiteracy and lack of learning!” “How often I envied the peasants their illiteracy and lack of learning!”
    - “in the situation of a catechumen.” “in the situation of a catechumen.”
    - Now a few days ago … Now a few days ago …
    - I dreamt that I lay on a bed … I dreamt that I lay on a bed …
    - It is a dream. Wake up! … It is a dream. Wake up! …
    - As happens in dreams, a voice says: “Notice this, this is it!” … As happens in dreams, a voice says: “Notice this, this is it!” …
    - And then, as happens in dreams, I imagine the mechanism … And then, as happens in dreams, I imagine the mechanism …
    - And it seems as if someone says to me … And it seems as if someone says to me …
    - “This dream expressed in condensed form …” “This dream expressed in condensed form …”
    - “I indeed saw this, I did not make this up.” “I indeed saw this, I did not make this up.”
    - “answers to the question, what am I, what is God” “answers to the question, what am I, what is God”
    - “presenting Christ’s teaching as something new after 1,800 years of Christianity.” “presenting Christ’s teaching as something new after 1,800 years of Christianity.”
    - “The reading of Tolstoy’s religious writings …” “The reading of Tolstoy’s religious writings …”
    - “If this were not a contradiction …” “If this were not a contradiction …”
  - Chapter 4 Chapter 4
    - “turned out splendidly” “turned out splendidly”
    - “It is interesting for me to reconstruct my life in memory …” “It is interesting for me to reconstruct my life in memory …”
    - “November 27–28, 1878. Yasnaya Polyana.” “November 27–28, 1878. Yasnaya Polyana.”
    - “Count Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy was born on August 28, 1828 …” “Count Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy was born on August 28, 1828 …”
    - “In 1851 he went with brother Nikolai to the Caucasus …” “In 1851 he went with brother Nikolai to the Caucasus …”
    - In 1862 Count L. N. Tolstoy married in Moscow Sofia Andreevna Bers … In 1862 Count L. N. Tolstoy married in Moscow Sofia Andreevna Bers …
    - “I was born in Yasnaya Polyana in the Krapivenskii district …” “I was born in Yasnaya Polyana in the Krapivenskii district …”
    - “This is the first and the last comment I make …” “This is the first and the last comment I make …”
    - I am bound; I wish to free my arms … I am bound; I wish to free my arms …
    - I do not know and will never know what it was … I do not know and will never know what it was …
    - “When did I begin? When did I begin to live? …” “When did I begin? When did I begin to live? …”
    - “I wake up, and my brothers’ beds …” “I wake up, and my brothers’ beds …”
    - “to avoid the Charybdis of self-praise …” “to avoid the Charybdis of self-praise …”
    - “To describe all my odiousness, stupidity, viciousness, vileness …” “To describe all my odiousness, stupidity, viciousness, vileness …”
    - “than all that artistic prattle …” “than all that artistic prattle …”
    - “6 January 1903. I am now suffering the torments of hell …” “6 January 1903. I am now suffering the torments of hell …”
    - “I was born and spent my childhood in the village Yasnaya Polyana.” “I was born and spent my childhood in the village Yasnaya Polyana.”
    - “The further I proceed in my ‘Reminiscences’ …” “The further I proceed in my ‘Reminiscences’ …”
    - “I will write at random, and without making corrections.” “I will write at random, and without making corrections.”
    - “How clear it is to me now …” “How clear it is to me now …”
    - “I have abandoned the chronological form of narrating.” “I have abandoned the chronological form of narrating.”
    - “Yes, the Fanfaron Hill …” “Yes, the Fanfaron Hill …”
    - He announced to us that he possessed a secret … He announced to us that he possessed a secret …
    - “the first experience of love …” “the first experience of love …”
    - “The ideal of ant brothers lovingly cleaving to each other …” “The ideal of ant brothers lovingly cleaving to each other …”
    - “Today I sat down to work …” “Today I sat down to work …”
    - “Life, the true life, lies only in the present …” “Life, the true life, lies only in the present …”
    - “I started Who am I …” “I started Who am I …”
    - If I ask when did I begin, the real I … If I ask when did I begin, the real I …
    - “I decisively cannot say what I am …” “I decisively cannot say what I am …”
    - “The procession extended toward the grave …” “The procession extended toward the grave …”
    - c “Someone wrote or told me that Nietzsche has read my works …” c “Someone wrote or told me that Nietzsche has read my works …”
  - Chapter 5 Chapter 5
    - “I had spent my whole life away from the city …” “I had spent my whole life away from the city …”
    - “‘Why go to look at the sufferings of people …’” “‘Why go to look at the sufferings of people …’”
    - “And the people asked him …” “And the people asked him …”
    - “Why have you, a man from a different world, stopped near us? Who are you?” “Why have you, a man from a different world, stopped near us? Who are you?”
    - “‘Who are you? A self-satisfied rich man …’” “‘Who are you? A self-satisfied rich man …’”
    - “Widely as life had separated us, after our glances had met twice or thrice …” “Widely as life had separated us, after our glances had met twice or thrice …”
    - “I approved this sin, by my presence …” “I approved this sin, by my presence …”
    - “Here, I could have given not only …” “Here, I could have given not only …”
    - “The majority of the unfortunates I saw were unfortunate …” “The majority of the unfortunates I saw were unfortunate …”
    - “In them, as in a looking-glass, I saw myself.” “In them, as in a looking-glass, I saw myself.”
    - “I then felt that my life was bad …” “I then felt that my life was bad …”
    - “Who am I who wishes to help people?” “Who am I who wishes to help people?”
    - I spend my whole life in this way … I spend my whole life in this way …
    - “And all these people work hard …” “And all these people work hard …”
    - “alienation of the land and the implements of labor …” “alienation of the land and the implements of labor …”
    - “[I]n order not to produce suffering and depravity …” “[I]n order not to produce suffering and depravity …”
    - “For him who sincerely suffers from the sufferings of those about him …” “For him who sincerely suffers from the sufferings of those about him …”
    - b “Got up at 9, joyfully cleaned the room …” b “Got up at 9, joyfully cleaned the room …”
    - There lived a washerwoman of about thirty years old … There lived a washerwoman of about thirty years old …
    - “her face clean and pale, with prominent closed eyes …” “her face clean and pale, with prominent closed eyes …”
    - “What, then, must we do? …” “What, then, must we do? …”
    - “What came to me from the first at the sight …” “What came to me from the first at the sight …”
    - “I like cleanliness, and give my money …” “I like cleanliness, and give my money …”
    - If things are so arranged … If things are so arranged …
    - “consider such a life the most natural and reasonable?” “consider such a life the most natural and reasonable?”
    - “Hegel’s theory that so long prevailed …” “Hegel’s theory that so long prevailed …”
    - “one monstrous deception, or humbug …” “one monstrous deception, or humbug …”
    - “all that exists is reasonable, that there is no evil and no good …” “all that exists is reasonable, that there is no evil and no good …”
    - “‘Thou, or rather you’ (for it always takes many to feed one) …” “‘Thou, or rather you’ (for it always takes many to feed one) …”
    - “[B]efore I serve you with bodily food …” “[B]efore I serve you with bodily food …”
    - “What will happen if the laborer says that? …” “What will happen if the laborer says that? …”
    - “What shall we, mental workers, reply …” “What shall we, mental workers, reply …”
    - “How shall we satisfy a laborer’s demands? “How shall we satisfy a laborer’s demands?
    - “With Pushkin, Dostoevsky, Turgenev, L. Tolstoy …” “With Pushkin, Dostoevsky, Turgenev, L. Tolstoy …”
    - “I have finished …” “I have finished …”
    - “‘Lord, heavenly Father!’ he muttered …” “‘Lord, heavenly Father!’ he muttered …”
    - “Is he better or worse off …” “Is he better or worse off …”
    - “March 2, 1889 … I dreamt that the purpose …” “March 2, 1889 … I dreamt that the purpose …”
    - “I thought about this as I took a walk …” “I thought about this as I took a walk …”
    - “I got up at 10. Felt much better …” “I got up at 10. Felt much better …”
    - “One laborer cannot understand the whole business …” “One laborer cannot understand the whole business …”
    - “Without a doubt, the purpose of life …” “Without a doubt, the purpose of life …”
    - “They say that the actual is reasonable …” “They say that the actual is reasonable …”
    - “In the morning, in bed, after a bad night …” “In the morning, in bed, after a bad night …”
    - “To the question: What am I? What shall I do? …” “To the question: What am I? What shall I do? …”
    - “Christ says, ‘You have been taught to consider it right’ …” “Christ says, ‘You have been taught to consider it right’ …”
    - “For me, therefore, the destitution of the people …” “For me, therefore, the destitution of the people …”
    - “As strange as it seems to say …” “As strange as it seems to say …”
    - “And being conscious of this, I can no longer endure this …” “And being conscious of this, I can no longer endure this …”
    - That is why I write this and will circulate it … That is why I write this and will circulate it …
  - Endnotes Endnotes
    - “In the 1870s, Leo Tolstoy made three attempts …” “In the 1870s, Leo Tolstoy made three attempts …”
  - Chapter 6 Chapter 6
    - “write with the idea of not showing his writings, including this diary, within one’s lifetime …” “write with the idea of not showing his writings, including this diary, within one’s lifetime …”
    - 25 Feb. 1897. N[ikolskoe]. E.b.zh…. 25 Feb. 1897. N[ikolskoe]. E.b.zh….
    - a “Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow’ …” a “Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow’ …”
    - “I feel sad because it seems as though …” “I feel sad because it seems as though …”
    - “In one’s old age, one can and even should do this …” “In one’s old age, one can and even should do this …”
    - “he crossed out the word death from the title …” “he crossed out the word death from the title …”
    - “I have lived 59 years, and for all this time …” “I have lived 59 years, and for all this time …”
    - “Every day, during deep sleep, consciousness completely ceases …” “Every day, during deep sleep, consciousness completely ceases …”
    - “all remembered states of consciousness …” “all remembered states of consciousness …”
    - “a continuous ecstasy over Schopenhauer …” “a continuous ecstasy over Schopenhauer …”
    - 31 October 89. Y[asnaya] P[olyana]… 31 October 89. Y[asnaya] P[olyana]…
    - 23 January 90. If I live… 23 January 90. If I live…
    - “29 June 1894. Y[asnaya] P[olyana]. Morning …” “29 June 1894. Y[asnaya] P[olyana]. Morning …”
    - “liberate one’s soul.” “liberate one’s soul.”
    - “not death, but liberation from the body …” “not death, but liberation from the body …”
    - “Is this new state of mind a step towards liberation?” “Is this new state of mind a step towards liberation?”
    - “I want to live in God, not in my bodily self, Leo T[olstoy] …” “I want to live in God, not in my bodily self, Leo T[olstoy] …”
    - “took up this notebook to record …” “took up this notebook to record …”
    - “I haven’t written anything all month …” “I haven’t written anything all month …”
    - This is how I live: I get up, my head is clear … This is how I live: I get up, my head is clear …
    - “Yes, I, the body, is such a disgusting chamber pot …” “Yes, I, the body, is such a disgusting chamber pot …”
    - “I remember how in childhood I was surprised …” “I remember how in childhood I was surprised …”
    - “What is consciousness? I will ask myself …” “What is consciousness? I will ask myself …”
    - August 6 [1892] … I remember: I am sitting in the bathhouse … August 6 [1892] … I remember: I am sitting in the bathhouse …
    - “I haven’t read Fichte …” “I haven’t read Fichte …”
    - “About a week ago I got ill …” “About a week ago I got ill …”
    - “Today, on May 13, upon awakening …” “Today, on May 13, upon awakening …”
    - “I now more and more [begin] to forget …” “I now more and more [begin] to forget …”
    - “I can regret, and do regret …” “I can regret, and do regret …”
    - “I have lost the memory of everything …” “I have lost the memory of everything …”
    - “a timeless life in the present.” “a timeless life in the present.”
    - “22, 23, 24 Feb. [1910.] I poorly remember …” “22, 23, 24 Feb. [1910.] I poorly remember …”
    - “Dreams [snovideniia] are a complete analogy of life.” “Dreams [snovideniia] are a complete analogy of life.”
    - “Sleeping-and-dreaming [son] is a complete analogy of death” “Sleeping-and-dreaming [son] is a complete analogy of death”
    - “I told myself that death is like dreaming …” “I told myself that death is like dreaming …”
    - “Today is February 5, 1892. Begichevka …” “Today is February 5, 1892. Begichevka …”
    - I saw in a dream that a door in my dark room suddenly opened … I saw in a dream that a door in my dark room suddenly opened …
    - “a nightmare and a philosophical theory of unconsciousness.” “a nightmare and a philosophical theory of unconsciousness.”
    - “I died—I woke up. Yes, death is an awakening!” “I died—I woke up. Yes, death is an awakening!”
    - “I dreamt that my wife loves me …” “I dreamt that my wife loves me …”
    - “This night I saw in my dream …” “This night I saw in my dream …”
    - “Everything that I have written down I have …” “Everything that I have written down I have …”
    - Had a dream. I am talking with Grot … Had a dream. I am talking with Grot …
    - The conversation with Grot, despite the fact that he had died … The conversation with Grot, despite the fact that he had died …
    - “I had a dream that explained a lot …” “I had a dream that explained a lot …”
    - “Life within a dream takes place outside of time and space …” “Life within a dream takes place outside of time and space …”
    - I went for a swim. My horse, tied up … I went for a swim. My horse, tied up …
    - “I have read Kant, Schopenhauer …” “I have read Kant, Schopenhauer …”
    - “[one] cannot help thinking about falling asleep …” “[one] cannot help thinking about falling asleep …”
    - The main analogy was with respect to time … The main analogy was with respect to time …
    - “Just as, awakened by the knock of a window slamming shut …” “Just as, awakened by the knock of a window slamming shut …”
    - I come to see my brother and find him … I come to see my brother and find him …
    - “there is no time, and we imagine things …” “there is no time, and we imagine things …”
    - “At night, I thought: what is time?” “At night, I thought: what is time?”
    - “The same illusion takes place in what we call real life …” “The same illusion takes place in what we call real life …”
    - I would like to say that life before birth was perhaps just the same … I would like to say that life before birth was perhaps just the same …
    - Today I had several thought-feelings … Today I had several thought-feelings …
    - g “Had a dream. Grushenka, a novel …” g “Had a dream. Grushenka, a novel …”
    - I thought: life, not my life, but the life of the whole world … I thought: life, not my life, but the life of the whole world …
    - “There is no time. There is my life …” “There is no time. There is my life …”
    - “In my dreams, I keep thinking about The Circle of Reading …” “In my dreams, I keep thinking about The Circle of Reading …”
    - though Pascal had died two hundred years ago … though Pascal had died two hundred years ago …
    - “the soul, with its ability for knowledge and memory …” “the soul, with its ability for knowledge and memory …”
    - “They say: do not think of death, and there will be no death …” “They say: do not think of death, and there will be no death …”
    - Why are the Xanthippes so malicious? … Why are the Xanthippes so malicious? …
    - “‘ The Circle of Reading,’ he wrote, ‘is Tolstoy’s silence.’” “‘ The Circle of Reading,’ he wrote, ‘is Tolstoy’s silence.’”
    - “One could view life as a dream and death as an awakening …” “One could view life as a dream and death as an awakening …”
    - “The candle, by the light of which she had been reading …” “The candle, by the light of which she had been reading …”
  - Notes
  - Notes
- Notes
  - Notes
  - Notes
- Index
  - Notes
  - Notes

End Matter

Appendix: Russian Quotations

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https://doi.org/10.7591/cornell/9780801453342.005.0001

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159–200

Published:

November 2014

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