Table 4 Open in new tab Destructive...

Destructive Lifestyle Choices

I would say a complete and utter hyper transformation. I’m talking about you do not recognize your own son, because there’s stuff that’s coming out of his mouth, the way he’s dressing and his morals and his principles are completely out the window. Nothing. It’s just so alien, nothing you can do, his choice and he is 17 now. And, there’s like a hatred for the family, who become the enemy, and anyone who is not part of his sordid life—we are a decent hardworking family. [P3]

His mobile goes off all day and all night. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t rest. They are outside, circling like wild dogs. He is scared of no-one. I know he supplies drugs. He has money everywhere. He has no education—he was excluded in year 7 and never returned. He has no prospects, he can only carry on with his lifestyle—he likes it he thrives on it. The risk, the excitement. The glory. I have no choice. I have paid drugs debts twice now—I can’t do it anymore. We have other children. [P8]

He’s always liked nice things to be fair, he’s always wanted the best phone or the best trainers and while you do your best as a parent, they can’t have everything. Now he has everything and he keeps telling me I am not a victim mum, I am earning a living, doing what I want. [P17]

He tried to kill me with a kitchen knife because I told him some home truths. He is in prison now and so I guess he is safer. I love him, he’s my son. I keep going to visit him but he does not often see me, but I have got to remain hopeful for the future otherwise, what is there… but no-one else cares one jot. We are left to rot. [P5]

We’re coming up to 12 months since he went to secure, yeah. It took a lot to get him there, a lot of fighting because obviously the resources, it’s got massive cost implications. They don’t do it lightly, I get that, but to me it was all about keeping him safe, I just wanted him safe. But he isn’t safe because he will go back as soon as he is out. He has done it before and he will do it again but I have to keep trying to get him out although I think he has been brainwashed. [P11]

In my heart, I know he is not a victim anymore. He was once, but only for a short time. Now he is the villain, a groomer and a controller. He has been brainwashed and he is doing the same to others. He always has a knife or a gun in his car, I know this. Sometimes I can’t even get out of bed in the morning because the world is a black place right now. [P6]

When they got the final Care Order, I was completely devastated. I still am. I am a professional and I thought I’d never let my kids be taken away, but we had no choice. We stood in court and had a judge tell us that he was out of our parental control, that’s the hardest thing to hear. I know he is uncontrollable now. It’s so hard. This is a problem for society, too. Not just parents. We need help. This could happen to anyone. A daughter has lost her brother. A son has lost his future. [P15]

‘I just keep going because I have two other boys, my babies, they keep me going, but I would be lying if I didn’t say I have thought about whether it is worth carrying on. I have had some amazing help from my doctor and I am in a better place now—I cannot even begin to explain the bleakness and feeling of utter hopelessness at times. But, I do manage to live with what has happened and some days are just OK. I take a lot of medication. [P1]

Destructive Lifestyle Choices

Table 4

Open in new tab

Destructive Lifestyle Choices
I would say a complete and utter hyper transformation. I’m talking about you do not recognize your own son, because there’s stuff that’s coming out of his mouth, the way he’s dressing and his morals and his principles are completely out the window. Nothing. It’s just so alien, nothing you can do, his choice and he is 17 now. And, there’s like a hatred for the family, who become the enemy, and anyone who is not part of his sordid life—we are a decent hardworking family. [P3]
His mobile goes off all day and all night. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t rest. They are outside, circling like wild dogs. He is scared of no-one. I know he supplies drugs. He has money everywhere. He has no education—he was excluded in year 7 and never returned. He has no prospects, he can only carry on with his lifestyle—he likes it he thrives on it. The risk, the excitement. The glory. I have no choice. I have paid drugs debts twice now—I can’t do it anymore. We have other children. [P8]
He’s always liked nice things to be fair, he’s always wanted the best phone or the best trainers and while you do your best as a parent, they can’t have everything. Now he has everything and he keeps telling me I am not a victim mum, I am earning a living, doing what I want. [P17]
He tried to kill me with a kitchen knife because I told him some home truths. He is in prison now and so I guess he is safer. I love him, he’s my son. I keep going to visit him but he does not often see me, but I have got to remain hopeful for the future otherwise, what is there… but no-one else cares one jot. We are left to rot. [P5]
We’re coming up to 12 months since he went to secure, yeah. It took a lot to get him there, a lot of fighting because obviously the resources, it’s got massive cost implications. They don’t do it lightly, I get that, but to me it was all about keeping him safe, I just wanted him safe. But he isn’t safe because he will go back as soon as he is out. He has done it before and he will do it again but I have to keep trying to get him out although I think he has been brainwashed. [P11]
In my heart, I know he is not a victim anymore. He was once, but only for a short time. Now he is the villain, a groomer and a controller. He has been brainwashed and he is doing the same to others. He always has a knife or a gun in his car, I know this. Sometimes I can’t even get out of bed in the morning because the world is a black place right now. [P6]
When they got the final Care Order, I was completely devastated. I still am. I am a professional and I thought I’d never let my kids be taken away, but we had no choice. We stood in court and had a judge tell us that he was out of our parental control, that’s the hardest thing to hear. I know he is uncontrollable now. It’s so hard. This is a problem for society, too. Not just parents. We need help. This could happen to anyone. A daughter has lost her brother. A son has lost his future. [P15]
‘I just keep going because I have two other boys, my babies, they keep me going, but I would be lying if I didn’t say I have thought about whether it is worth carrying on. I have had some amazing help from my doctor and I am in a better place now—I cannot even begin to explain the bleakness and feeling of utter hopelessness at times. But, I do manage to live with what has happened and some days are just OK. I take a lot of medication. [P1]

Destructive Lifestyle Choices
I would say a complete and utter hyper transformation. I’m talking about you do not recognize your own son, because there’s stuff that’s coming out of his mouth, the way he’s dressing and his morals and his principles are completely out the window. Nothing. It’s just so alien, nothing you can do, his choice and he is 17 now. And, there’s like a hatred for the family, who become the enemy, and anyone who is not part of his sordid life—we are a decent hardworking family. [P3]
His mobile goes off all day and all night. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t rest. They are outside, circling like wild dogs. He is scared of no-one. I know he supplies drugs. He has money everywhere. He has no education—he was excluded in year 7 and never returned. He has no prospects, he can only carry on with his lifestyle—he likes it he thrives on it. The risk, the excitement. The glory. I have no choice. I have paid drugs debts twice now—I can’t do it anymore. We have other children. [P8]
He’s always liked nice things to be fair, he’s always wanted the best phone or the best trainers and while you do your best as a parent, they can’t have everything. Now he has everything and he keeps telling me I am not a victim mum, I am earning a living, doing what I want. [P17]
He tried to kill me with a kitchen knife because I told him some home truths. He is in prison now and so I guess he is safer. I love him, he’s my son. I keep going to visit him but he does not often see me, but I have got to remain hopeful for the future otherwise, what is there… but no-one else cares one jot. We are left to rot. [P5]
We’re coming up to 12 months since he went to secure, yeah. It took a lot to get him there, a lot of fighting because obviously the resources, it’s got massive cost implications. They don’t do it lightly, I get that, but to me it was all about keeping him safe, I just wanted him safe. But he isn’t safe because he will go back as soon as he is out. He has done it before and he will do it again but I have to keep trying to get him out although I think he has been brainwashed. [P11]
In my heart, I know he is not a victim anymore. He was once, but only for a short time. Now he is the villain, a groomer and a controller. He has been brainwashed and he is doing the same to others. He always has a knife or a gun in his car, I know this. Sometimes I can’t even get out of bed in the morning because the world is a black place right now. [P6]
When they got the final Care Order, I was completely devastated. I still am. I am a professional and I thought I’d never let my kids be taken away, but we had no choice. We stood in court and had a judge tell us that he was out of our parental control, that’s the hardest thing to hear. I know he is uncontrollable now. It’s so hard. This is a problem for society, too. Not just parents. We need help. This could happen to anyone. A daughter has lost her brother. A son has lost his future. [P15]
‘I just keep going because I have two other boys, my babies, they keep me going, but I would be lying if I didn’t say I have thought about whether it is worth carrying on. I have had some amazing help from my doctor and I am in a better place now—I cannot even begin to explain the bleakness and feeling of utter hopelessness at times. But, I do manage to live with what has happened and some days are just OK. I take a lot of medication. [P1]

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