Love and Duty: Confederate Widows and the Emotional Politics of Loss
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3 The Horrors of War: Outliving a Husband
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Published:26 April 2022
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Abstract
This chapter investigates the emotional transition from wife to widow, during the American Civil War. First, how did he die (and how did she know)? Second, what did she feel? And finally, how should she behave? Nineteenth century families and communities watched to see if a widow reacted with too much feeling, or too little. Did she selflessly accept that soldiers died for a deathless cause, that this was a Good Death, in some way? Or was the Confederacy unworthy of her great sacrifice? Analyzing the initial reactions of widows, which the widows recorded in diaries and letters, reveals responses that sometimes met expectations. It also reveals reactions that challenged etiquette and gender norms. Unwilling or unable to accept the news that their husbands had died, a surprising number of women dug up graves, collapsed on floors, lamented bitterly, clutched bodies, and demanded proof.
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