
Contents
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Parenting as a Project Parenting as a Project
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The Demands of Parenting The Demands of Parenting
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An Assumption, and Some Alternative Circumstances An Assumption, and Some Alternative Circumstances
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More Alternatives More Alternatives
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Queering Parenting I: Understanding Wrong Desires Queering Parenting I: Understanding Wrong Desires
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Giving Meaning to Desire Giving Meaning to Desire
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Giving Meaning to Wrongness Giving Meaning to Wrongness
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Queering Parenting II: The Intransigence of Wrong Desire Queering Parenting II: The Intransigence of Wrong Desire
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On Being the Object of Wrong Desire On Being the Object of Wrong Desire
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Desires Out of Control Desires Out of Control
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No Desire to Change No Desire to Change
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No Desire for the Good No Desire for the Good
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Queering Parenting III: Challenging Discourses of Parenting Queering Parenting III: Challenging Discourses of Parenting
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Discourses of “Healthy” Child Development Discourses of “Healthy” Child Development
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Is Sexuality in Children Always Queer? Is Sexuality in Children Always Queer?
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Queering Platitudes in Parenting Queering Platitudes in Parenting
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Concluding Thoughts in Queer Directions Concluding Thoughts in Queer Directions
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Queering “Success” Queering “Success”
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Queering the System Queering the System
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7 What's an Adoptive Mother to Do? When Your Child's Desires Are a Problem
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Published:November 2012
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Abstract
In this chapter I explore the problematics of mothering/parenting children who evince desires that are queer in ways, and as a result of events, that cannot be celebrated. I argue that because children who have been sexually abused are likely to develop queer (non-normative) desires, and parents of such children will need queer (transgressive) parenting practices to help children recover from or come to terms with their abuse. Using “queer” in the broadest sense of non-normative and/or transgressive desires, identities and behaviors, I offer a set of questions and reflections on the desires and parenting needs of children, like mine, for whom sex and awareness of sex was imposed on them violently and abusively. I explain the goals of child-rearing and how those goals are frustrated by experiences of childhood sexual abuse. I argue for a particular conception of wrong desire, and use Seiriol Morgan's interpretation of Kant along with Devin Henry's reading of akrasia to show how we might better respond to such desires. Finally, I raise questions about the appropriateness of norms that are operative in current conceptions of health, agency, and community.
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